Finding Love & Happiness

When my daughter was born, my dad asked me, "What do you want for her?"

At the time it seemed like such a big question. I gazed down at her and thought of all the great things she could do in life, like be a Doctor or an Olympic Gymnast. It's true, those where my first two career choices for her. Over the years the memory of that one question circled through my mind countless times and I always wondered why. Of all the things that were said to me when she was born, that one question remains so fresh in my mind. The wisdom in that one question inspires me to this day.

My dad was bigger than life to me, he was the epitome of success. A boy who grew up hanging out at fire stations, taken under the wing of a Fire Chief named Donald Key, who enrolled him in Boy Scouts and told him to put your John Henry on the line at the bottom of the form, which gave him the nick name of John Henry, because that's what he wrote on the

signature line. In his admiration of the man that would most shape his life, he did exactly what he was told and many times growing up I remember him saying, "Do as I say, not as I do". But of course, I did as he did, modeled my life after him, striving for success and excellence (when I wasn't getting into trouble - which was a lot, hence ignoring the "Do as I say" part). I had so many more advantages than he did, a home with two loving parents, security, and a Christian upbringing. It was important to me to make him proud. I think if I had the chance to ask him one question, it would not be "Did I make you proud?", it would be "When I was born, what did you want for me?"   If we are as much a like as people say we are I think I know what his answer would be.

The reason his question circled through my mind many times in the course of raising our children is because the answer changed every now and again. Of course as a basic desire I wanted our children to be healthy & happy. Hubby & I worked hard to provide things that made them happy, and for a healthy life; food, clothing, shelter, etc and we were blessed to be able to. As young children what I wanted for them was to be "well behaved" so focus went toward providing discipline balanced with love (at least I hope they feel it was balanced). During the school years I wanted for them "to learn and get good grades", but during their teenage years I wanted (prayed in fact) for them to "return from the alien planet that they had been

abducted & taken to". I say this because I can almost pinpoint the day that I went in to wake them for school and instead of finding the sweet children I had put to bed the night before, I found these alien creatures, that did not resemble my children in any way shape or form! They had bad attitudes, argumentative stances and nothing I said had any foundation of intelligence (at least to them).  I was fortunate, somewhere around the age of their mid 20's the aliens did return them to earth. One of my favorite stories about this transition took place between our daughter & I.

During her teen-age years I heard a lot from her about, "when I have my children I will do this or that and when I have my own house it will be this or that, or my husband will do or be this or that". Children rarely see how good they have it until later in life. My standard response to her rantings was, "OK, I'll make you a deal - when you have your perfect life, your perfect children, your perfect house & husband, CALL ME!! I will travel from the ends of the earth to you just so you can say, I told you so". And of course she would holler back, "I WILL!!!!"(there was always a door slam following that)  Sometime around her mid to late 20's she said, "remember when you told me to call you when I had my perfect life, children, house & husband?" Smiling I said, "yes". She then said, "uh you won't be getting that phone call". We had a good laugh & hug over that. She too will maybe one day have the same interaction with her daughter, who knows.

As young adults I wanted for them to be independent & self sustaining, in other words I wanted them to "get a job & get out of our house" and I say that in the most loving way possible!! I am profoundly proud of all of them for they all have jobs and homes of their own. I am finding when I visit them that they

acquired attributes I wasn't fully aware I had impressed on them when they were growing up. I will use the term "they" now as each have displayed one or more of the following, but not in any order, rhyme or reason. They worry about their home being clean enough when I visit or that I find what they have to be adequate and not in need of "fixing or adding to", but across the board they want me to be comfortable in their home and I always am.

Over the last few years I still see the young child in them when they are worried about telling me something that I may not approve of,  will think poorly on it or them and I have found myself telling them each at different times, "Ya know, all I have really ever wanted for you was for you to be happy and feel loved". You see, it's not a matter of finding love or happiness, it's really about letting love & happiness find you. Let's start with love.

Love finds you when you are not looking for it. When you look too hard to

find love, you may actually be missing out on the simple pleasure of it finding you. Case in point: my husband had been in love with me for a couple years, but I was so busy trying to find love I completely overlooked what was right there waiting for me. It wasn't until I "gave up" on finding love that I realized love had found me. I fell deeply in love & married my best friend and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel loved, cared for and grateful for his patience.

Happiness ......., it finds you too. It creeps up on you when you least expect it. It's the warmth you feel deep down when you know what you are doing is the right thing, it's the contentment of peace when you know you don't have it all but you are grateful for what you have. It's the beauty you see that the rest of the world misses because they are not looking at the simplest forms of beauty: a star filled sky, clouds that take on shape in your imagination, a child playing without knowledge of the pressures in the world and the smile on the face of someone you love. It's the comfort you bring another who is hurting. It's the joy you bring to someone by just being you. 

Here's to love & happiness finding you because it sure has found me!